The journey to loving yourself can be challenging. For some people, it takes years. For others, it may come naturally.
Our media-dominant culture makes it easier to compare our self-image, or lack thereof, with those around us or whom we follow online. Naturally, the grass always seems greener on someone else's lawn, and we want the same level of confidence we see in those we admire.
However, everyone's relationship to self-esteem is extremely different. Hopefully, my story—and the hypothyroidism diagnosis that has impacted it—can shed some light on the subject of self-love and give you hope and comfort.
Remember: The human experience can be competitive, daunting, and over-saturated with false ideals of true confidence. It's natural to feel like self-love is some elusive and slippery buzzword. Just know you're beautiful, inside and out, regardless of your feelings.
My story goes a bit like this: I grew up modeling and competitively dancing, being pretty successful at both. I never had to worry about my weight and stayed active, happy, and lean.
Once I graduated high school, I decided to move straight to Los Angeles, where I already had an agent and spent most summers pursuing modeling full-time. I quickly fell in love with my life there and the creativity that surrounded it.
But that picture-perfect life I created in my head went downhill quickly. Within six months of being there, my weight increased at a rapid pace, and suddenly, I was tired, depressed, crying all the time, and couldn't fit in any of my clothes. My modeling agents dropped me because of these changes, which was devastating and embarrassing and only added to the insecurity that one already feels at 18 years old. My self-love, confidence, self-worth, and happiness plummeted; I hated myself, my body, my face, and my life.
I tried to fix this sudden weight gain by eating way less than I should have and spending an hour a day doing cardio. But my body wouldn't budge. All of my hard work was going nowhere. The lack of results eventually forced me to take alternative routes, including going to a doctor and convincing myself that a three-week cleanse would be the answer and solution.
Unfortunately, it wasn't. I didn't get any results except for disgust from the diet of liquids I forced myself to consume. I eventually got tested for hypothyroidism, and it was positive. Believe it or not, I was relieved and grateful to have an answer and a pill that would fix all of my problems! Again, the thing I thought would cure me did not, and my hope quickly faded. The medication aided my depression energy levels and helped me lose a few pounds, but I wasn't aware of the extent of this disease until much later. I couldn't have predicted how much hard work it would take to live with it comfortably.
After receiving my hypothyroidism diagnosis, I began to perceive myself in a very negative way that lasted for years and consisted of wondering why and how I'd found myself in such undesirable circumstances.
I tried every diet, workout, supplement, and non-invasive procedure. I tried all these tactics to be happy with myself again. Was that too much to ask for? Like I said before, it can take people years to find and feel self-love, which was undoubtedly the case for me.
It took me nearly eight years after receiving my diagnosis to feel like I'd got it down to a science. I found the foods and workouts that make me feel my best and work well for me. All of that stress and strain I put on my body by hating it helped me realize a valuable lesson: my disease didn't happen to me… It happened for me.
Ultimately, my self-love didn't just come in the form of liking my appearance but from being able to overcome challenges and helping those who resonate with my journey. When I look back on everything that's happened since then—receiving my diagnosis, finding the proper medication, diet, and workouts—I'm glad it happened. I now have so much knowledge to share with others who are struggling. And all my hard work is now helpful to more people than myself.
I think we go through life trials to prove how resilient we are. And my trial taught me (even though it took a while) how to love, appreciate, and give myself grace.
Yes, humans are naturally resilient, but remember that everyone navigates life with unique challenges. Therefore, the least we can do for ourselves is admire who we are. For all that we are.
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